Is one of you unsure whether to stay together?
Why might traditional couples counseling not be the best fit for us?
When both partners are committed to working on their relationship together, couples therapy can be extremely effective. Even when both partners are motivated to explore whether couples therapy can help them, couples therapy can help them to decide.
However, when one or both partners have a "foot out the door" and it's hard to decide whether to stay together and work on the relationship or to separate, Discernment Counseling, created by Bill Doherty, may be a better fit.
What's different about discernment counseling?
In Discernment Counseling, the goal is to decide which of three paths to follow:
- staying with the status quo
- separating
- committing to couples therapy, with separation off the table for (typically) six months
Unlike most forms of couples therapy, in Discernment Counseling, most of the time is spent speaking with each member of the couple separately, followed by brief interactions with the other partner to summarize the most recent discussion and where things now stand.
This helps each partner to understand how they have contributed to the current state of the relationship, to gain clarity about how they want to move forward and what they might want to pay attention to in couples therapy (if that is the path that is jointly chosen) or in future relationships.
Discernment Counseling typically involves an agreed upon limited number of sessions (often 6 sessions) focused on deciding which path forward the partners can agree on.
Start your journey toward deciding next steps now
Explore how to decide together what's next for you
FAQs
Here are answers to common questions about how I work with couples
If you would like to learn more about the history of Discernment Counseling from the founders of Discernment Counseling, you can find their blog here: https://discernmentcounseling.com/blog
You can schedule a free consultation with me to help you both decide which approach makes the most sense for you. The more it feels like one of you is fighting for the relationship and the other is "leaning out", the better a fit Discernment Counseling might be.
Yes. It's helpful to speak with each partner to make sure that this feels like a good fit. I usually plan for 20 - 30 minutes for us to touch base before deciding whether to get started.
You can pay me by Zelle, Venmo or check.
Most sessions typically last 90 minutes, with time split between a brief check-in with the couple, individual discussions with each partner, and brief updates between partners about what, if anything, is changing.
Discernment Counseling has been designed as a brief, time-limited intervention. There are often six sessions, but some couples decide on a path forward before the sixth session and some couples decide that they would like a limited number of additional sessions.
I'm happy to work with other therapists. It can be very helpful, with everyone's permission to make sure that therapists are working towards the same goal, with a similar understanding of both partners. Some therapists are uncomfortable collaborating, but that can get in the way of any other therapy that is taking place.
Starting is simple! You can reach out to schedule an initial consultation. This first meeting helps assess your needs and determine the best approach for your relationship.
Still have questions?
I'm happy to answer them