Couples Therapy and Counseling in Chelsea, NYC

Couples counseling provides a way for couples who want to improve their relationship (or decide whether to improve their relationship) to understand the patterns that have been getting in the way and what to do about that. Unfortunately, people don't come with instruction manuals and often don't know how to help their partner understand what is getting in the way of a better relationship.

I talk about couples therapy and couples counseling (and for those who are married, marriage counseling) interchangeably. Whether we call this couples therapy, couples counseling, relationship counseling or relationship therapy (or even relationship coaching), this isn't about diagnosing either of you (unless required by insurance) or pathologizing behaviors that each of you has learned over the course of your lives. It's about understanding patterns, where they come from, and exploring which patterns we are willing to reconsider and change.

Yes. I believe that couples have a right to decide how much, if any, sex or physical intimacy they want in their relationship. However, a lack of sex is often not the result of a shared decision between partners, but a symptom of issues that haven't been recognized or addressed.

If you want, we can work together to understand what sort of physical intimacy each of you wants, what has gotten in the way of that, and how to have an enjoyable level of sex in your relationship, however you each define that.

Yes. I often see couples where one or both partners have had an affair or something viewed as infidelity by the other partner. Whether or not you agree about what happened, why it happened, or whether it should be considered a "big deal", often one or both of you feel hurt and betrayed. And that needs to be repaired.

By the time couples come to therapy after an affair or infidelity, the partner who was unfaithful may feel that they have already apologized and wonder why their partner can't "just move on." If both partners are willing to work on this in therapy, it is often possible to make significant progress and to protect against future betrayals.

Yes. It's helpful to speak with each partner to make sure that this feels like a good fit. I usually plan for 20 - 30 minutes for us to touch base before deciding whether to get started.

I am not on any insurance panels, so I am considered out-of-network. I can provide you with a "superbill" that you can submit to your insurance company.

You can pay me by Zelle, Venmo or check.

My sessions usually last between 1 and 2 hours, depending on the couple's needs. Some couples need more time to go deeper, while other couples prefer to keep it to 1 hour. For some couples, we arrange to meet in person for longer, more intensive sessions - from 3 hours to a full day or several days.

I typically meet with a couple every week or every other week, based on what the couple needs and what is practical for that couple.

This is different for every couple. While we work together, we monitor how things are going. Some couples just want a "touch up" and come for a few sessions. For other couples, especially if either partner has a history of trauma, it may take much longer to understand and replace patterns that have been in place for many years.

I've been working with couples for over 20 years. I am trained in Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. This looks at relationships through the lens of what some people call attachment theory, which helps to explain why we use the strategies we have learned to feel safe and get our needs met in relationships, even when it doesn't always work.I also have additional training in the Gottman method, Internal Family Systems, MBT (Mentalization Based Therapy), and Coherence Therapy.

I bring in other approaches, as appropriate, as every couple is different.

I believe that everyone is doing the best that they can and that sometimes, that doesn't work. Because most people don't have any training about how to deal with conflict in the relationships where the stakes are highest, intimate relationships, it can be hard to know what isn't working and what "better" would look like. This is one way that couples therapists or counselors can be helpful - by slowing things down and looking at the patterns of what is and isn't working for each partner in a relationship.

If you have decided to be in a non-monogamous relationship you may have more than one partner and/or be in a relationship with someone who has more than one partner. I am happy to work with clients who are in or who are considering non-monogamous relationships.

It is also true that some partners are not interested in or ready for couples counseling. I also work with individuals who want to improve their relationship, understand previous relationships, or consider whether to stay in a current relationship.

I'm happy to work with other therapists. It can be very helpful, with everyone's permission to make sure that therapists are working towards the same goal, with a similar understanding of both partners. Some therapists are uncomfortable collaborating, but lack of collaboration can get in the way of any other therapy that is taking place.

For those who come to me with issues that would be better suited for a certified sex therapist, I have a network of colleagues I work closely with.

Starting is simple! You can reach out to schedule an initial consultation. This first meeting helps assess your needs and determine the best approach for your relationship.