Recommended books and videos

In Wired for Love, Stan Tatkin uses what he calls a "psychobiological" approach to understanding couples, based on a combination of neuroscience, attachment theory, and other relevant research.

Helen Fisher is a biological anthropologist and has been a consultant for match.com and chemistry.com. Based on her access to the match.com database, she has built a framework for understanding types of people and who they are attracted to.

Hold Me Tight was written by Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples. As in EFT, the focus is on what happens to couples when they feel disconnected from each other and the "dance" they do with each other that tends to make things worse. This book is useful both for couples who want a better understanding of what happens when things get tough and for couples who are exploring couples therapy / marriage counseling.

An easy to follow explanation of attachment styles and why some people seem more prone to distancing and avoiding conflict while others might be more inclined to get angry and turn up the volume when they feel disconnected from their partner.

Attachment theory provides a valuable lens for understanding how we are each "wired" to protect ourselves in the face of potential conflict. Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley provide an updated view of attachment and how it impacts each of us.

It can be difficult (impossible?) to be a parent without getting triggered at times. Reflective parenting helps to distinguish between what is actually happening in the moment, what else in our current lives might be impacting how we feel, and what from our past might be contributing to what we are feeling. As humans (and not just as parents), we are often navigating our way through this, whether or not we realize it.

For most people, sex and sexuality are an important piece of their intimate (and sometimes, non-intimate) relationships. By the time a couple comes to couples therapy / marriage counseling, there is a reasonable chance that this part of the relationship could use some help. Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and researcher at Smith College. Her book, Come as You Are, is an accessible, scientifically-grounded exploration of female sexuality.

Even as a sex educator, Emily Nagoski realized that navigating sexuality and intimacy with a partner isn't always easy or straightforward. Emily describes ways to understand each partner's sexual map as a way to keep intimacy alive in a relationship.

Emily Nagoski, author of "Come as you are" provides a great introduction to recent research on sexuality.

Esther Perel talks about the paradox, for some, of trying to maintain desire in long-term relationships.